Hazel Nutt

Once you are friends

You look like you could be a trustworthy cat lover. Am I right? I do hope so. There are three things in this world you can rely on. Cats. More cats. And milk.

I once dated a fella who I hoped would show me the world and then lift me on his shoulders so I could touch the stars. All he ended up doing was eat fruit and read books on the toilet. Then, one day, he had gone. I like to think he flushed himself.

Once they like you

I remember when I got my first cat. This lovely fluffy one on my head. I found him standing on a book in the outhouse, looking lost. So I took him in.

It smelled of Hugh, my vanished fella. And then it furballed from there. I took in every stray I could find. Every stray man, I mean. And when each man left me, I would find another lost cat in their place. I had found a calling to care for them. A cat-calling, as it were.

Asking for help

With all my fellas disappearing from the outhouse, I've come to the conclusion that my toilet is cursed. Could you lift the curse by blasting away the man-hating spirit that seemingly haunts within it? Plumbing not your thing? You might need some apothecary-based help, perhaps?

When it is done

You did it? That must have been good exorcise. It is very much appreciated. My cats thank you, too. Hopefully the curse is gone for good and I might actually keep a man for more than a few flushes.